Anonymous Poster Explains: Why God Never Received Tenure

March 30, 2007

Usually it’s easy to dismiss those anonymous postings that circulate on the Internet. But as this one crossed our desk, the air of authenticity in it gave us a momentary pause — and a chuckle.

And so, with hopes that even those now in serious preparation for Palm Sunday and Passover share our sense of humor, we pass these thoughts along. And if anyone out there has other information that God’s oh-so-cruel tenure reviewers should have considered — pro or con — you are invited to add them below in the Comment section.

Here’s the posting, titled “Why G-d Never Received Tenure at Any University”:

He may have created the world, but what has he done since?

The scientific community cannot replicate his results.

He never received permission from the ethics board to use human subjects.

When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

He rarely came to class, telling the students to “Read the book.”

Some say he had his son teach the class.

He expelled his first two students.

His office hours were irregular and sometimes held on a mountaintop.

Although there were only 10 requirements, most students failed.

He had only one major publication. It was in Hebrew, had no references, wasn’t published in an academic journal, and some doubt he wrote it himself.