Two years ago, McSweeney's triggered a wave of delight in academe when it published a "First Faculty Meeting of the Year Bingo" card, dreamed up by Lisa Nikolidakis. We asked you to fill it out and send it back to us. And while many of you dutifully crossed off your speaker’s hackneyed attempts to relate, some went the extra mile and provided us a few new options for the bingo board.
Some of the feedback advised us to broaden our horizons in terms of summer attire. Professors don’t just wear short-shorts; there are also the proverbial ripped jeans, flip-flops, and a wide variety of still-very-obvious toupees. And who could forget avoiding eye contact at all cost? We added your suggestions to the board, but don’t worry, feeling a general sense of doom is still an option. It always is.
So here it is: the updated, ready-for-the-class-of-2021 bingo board. Take your card to the first faculty meeting and email me the results (email@example.com). If we get enough responses, I’ll write up an article later this week.
Look, I’m not trying to distract you from the meeting. Listen up. You’ll never get bingo if you’re aren’t paying attention. View a printable version of the card.
Editor's note (8/29/2017, 3:15 p.m.): A previous version of the bingo card repeated several squares. It has been replaced with a new card, updated with reader suggestions.