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The Worst Days of Their Lives

Harvard sucks, especially for a student who is ashamed of wanting to become a professional cat breeder.

New Web sites, inspired by the infamous misery-aggregator FMyLife.com, are chronicling the woes of those lucky enough to attend some of the most selective universities in the country: Harvard, Yale, Stanford, MIT, Dartmouth, the University of California at Berkeley, and UCLA.

According to the anonymous posters, life in the collegiate cocoon is lonely, stressful, and full of sexual frustration.

On Harvardfml.com, started recently by a campus magazine that focuses on student life, students flaunt their unhappiness. Confessions of forlorn solitude abound: “I’m so lonely on a Sunday night that g-chatting my mom is the highlight of my evening. FML.” And how to console the sad kitty-lover? “Harvard tells me that I should strive to become a rich executive, award-winning academic, or benevolent doctor. I just want to breed cats.”

A student at another Ivy, perhaps in need of a reality check, expresses concern about the future. “I am now beginning to wonder if Yale has been the biggest career mistake of my life.” (An anonymous commenter supplies confirmation: “Yes. Yes, it is.”)

The URLs georgetownfml.com, dukefml.com, brownfml.com, pennfml.com, ricefml.com, vanderbiltfml.com, uchicagofml.com, nyufml.com, cambridgefml.com, and oxfordfml.com all boast “Coming Soon” banners and notices that the sites are looking for student moderators.

Posts on most of the sites are not nearly as funny, depressing, or novel as those on the original FMyLife.com, which collects tales of woe from around the world. Perhaps elite colleges simply lack sufficient fodder for lament.

Occasionally the darts land dead center, perpetuating negative stereotypes that cannot leave college administrators smiling. ”My BAC is higher than my GPA,” moans a student on dartmouthfml.com. At MIT, a not-quite-nerdy-enough student laments: “I leave Rubik’s cubes in the Athena cluster for others to solve. I have never solved one.”

So much for the best days of their lives. –Simmi Aujla

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