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Author Topic: "favorite" student e-mails  (Read 5005538 times)
pedanterast
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 2,862


« Reply #18210 on: March 10, 2012, 3:14:02 am »

Brussels sprouts.
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lohai0
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 11,941


« Reply #18211 on: March 10, 2012, 3:16:56 am »

 
Brussels sprouts.

No way. Brussels sprouts > Beets. (Toss them in the roasting pan with a chicken, carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, sage, rosemary, thyme, and a lemon). Beets, OTOH, are always vile.
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I hate helicopter zombie grandparents. They are the worst.
gennimom
Somewhat Southern (Have I really posted that much?)
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 18,343

Let's get summer over with! Me want snow!


« Reply #18212 on: March 10, 2012, 3:24:07 am »

Cauliflower.

Truly nasty stuff.

Or even worse: Turnip or mustard greens. Cooked Southern style.

*shudder*
Logged

...only after reading gm's post, my new mantra is "always listen to gennimom".
Monday reeks! - Garfield
The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a person (or something like that).
melba_frilkins
Doing laundry.
Member-Moderator
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 17,647


« Reply #18213 on: March 10, 2012, 3:58:26 am »

Cauliflower.

Truly nasty stuff.

Or even worse: Turnip or mustard greens. Cooked Southern style.

*shudder*

Dear Turnip....

Sounds good to me.

Logged

Light up the corners of your neighborhood with disco balls matched with dancing green and violet beams.
apriline
New member
*
Posts: 28


« Reply #18214 on: March 10, 2012, 4:28:56 am »

From one of my students (who is majoring in the "TE" part of STEM):

Quote
Dear doc apriline,

I have an old laptop. The 30MB file we are supposed to process for assignment X cannot be stored on it. I trust you can give me a book assignment instead.

Really? Does this excuse fly in any class?
Logged
biomancer
trying to be the person my dog thinks I am
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 11,023

CHE Fora Hazmat Team


« Reply #18215 on: March 10, 2012, 8:45:48 am »

From one of my students (who is majoring in the "TE" part of STEM):

Quote
Dear doc apriline,

I have an old laptop. The 30MB file we are supposed to process for assignment X cannot be stored on it. I trust you can give me a book assignment instead.

Really? Does this excuse fly in any class?

Fantasy reply:

Dear Student,

If you move some of your pirated music/movie/porn files to CDs/DVDs or a USB drive, you will free up enough disk space for this assignment and many others. 

~Dr. A.
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Clueless people can be dangerous. The acidic environment they can spread often needs to be neutralized, and humor is basic.  - Dellaroux

I have realized that it is best to assume everyone is bonkers until they demonstrate otherwise. - ChaosByDesign
nocurving
Senior member
****
Posts: 435


« Reply #18216 on: March 10, 2012, 9:29:25 am »

From super rude snowflake:

We don't all have access to the computers when we live an hour away and there is a snowstorm. Thx for nothing.

Dear Dillweed,
Several student computer labs are housed in <building names> and exist to help students who do not have regular access to a personal computer. Before our next class meeting please visit the computer lab in Building X, which is nearest our classroom, and print out the syllabus. The syllabus contains the quiz schedule and the course policy on missed work. The next quiz is on <date>, and you should begin preparing for it now. If you are still without internet access at home then plan to be on campus before <date> to complete the quiz in one of the campus computer labs.

Not to mention, he could go to a public library and use the computers there!!

Oh, sure, but none of his friends/frat brothers/similarly situated dipsticks are there. Plus, there's all those icky people. His parents paid a lot for his tuition, and want a computer lab moved next door to his 1200 sq foot apartment/raging nonstop kegger. Twit.
Thank you everyone, for the suggestions.  I like Poly's first sentence.  it just has that tinge of sarcasm in it that can't be missed.  I'm starting with that, but with more details of his actions so far.  I can see this dillweed landing in the chair's office sooner or later and then, I'll just send off the email trail.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2012, 9:30:11 am by nocurving » Logged

Do or do not.  There is no try.
cms99
Senior member
****
Posts: 872


« Reply #18217 on: March 11, 2012, 11:45:11 pm »

Professor, Ms TA.,

My name is HELPLESS and I am in Ms TAs Tuesday section at 2. There has been a severe illness going around recently and last week my boyfriend and his entire house got it. I was taking care of them and must have contracted it somehow because Friday I suddenly started feeling unwell. Then yesterday, Saturday morning, I woke up in a GREAT amount of pain, and i could not stop vomiting. I threw up 47 (not exaggerating) times before my friends took me to the hospital in the afternoon. I was there all evening, and should have been over-nighted but they could not keep me as it was viral and they did not want me taking up bedspace. I am still really sick. They had to give me several types of medicine, for both pain and nausea. They had a give me a medicine they described as 7x stronger than morphine to keep the pain low enough for them to help me. I was so dehydrated that after giving me 2litres of fluids through an IV I still could not give them any urine samples. My lungs also had complications and they had to hook me up to an oxygen machine to keep my 02 levels up. A couple of hours after they discharged me the medicine wore off. Since then, i have been unable, as before, to keep even a mouthful of water or food down and I am still extremely weak.
I have never asked for an extension or anything similar in my entire three years at BIG COLLEGE. But I am in a big situation. I am really sick, I cannot get out of bed or to the bathroom without help. There is no way I can finish my paper. I know it is due Tuesday morning, but I am so sick I cannot concentrate, or even stay lucid or awake for long periods of time. I have another research paper due this week in another class, and so I had more left to do of my paper to finish it than I typically would have left in the days before it was due. This class is EXTREMELY important to me, I need to get the best grades possible this quarter if I am to go to law school like I hope to. If I am to turn in a paper on Tuesday it will not be representative of my best efforts or abilities, and will not be the kind of paper I would choose to turn in.
I can provide all the necessary medical information to prove my hospital stay, the medicines I was on, etc. I was wondering if there is any way I could have a SLIGHT extension on my paper. I am so sorry to ask seeing as the original date was for last Thursday, but I am completely bedridden and in a huge amount of pain and very weak. Anything I write will be mediocre at best and will hurt my grades that I am trying to hard to bring up. I would love the chance to turn in a paper representative of my ability as soon as I am well enough to concentrate on my schoolwork.
Thankyou,
HELPLESS

47 times?  wow!  And you were that sick but they still discharged you?  And your grade as of now is a 64?  Hmm, give her some rope or cut her off now?
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Quote from: tenured_feminist

May all of your domestic animals poop in your shoes.
gennimom
Somewhat Southern (Have I really posted that much?)
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 18,343

Let's get summer over with! Me want snow!


« Reply #18218 on: March 11, 2012, 11:58:45 pm »

If she's that sick, how is she able to write a post that long? Sounds pretty coherent and lucid to me!
Logged

...only after reading gm's post, my new mantra is "always listen to gennimom".
Monday reeks! - Garfield
The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a person (or something like that).
geogirl
New member
*
Posts: 28


« Reply #18219 on: March 12, 2012, 12:01:20 am »

Personally? I'd give her rope. You come off smelling like roses because you're obviously willing to work with students, even if she falls on her face.

And on preview: What gennimom said is also a very good point.
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ellaminnowphd
Curiously Strong
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 3,810


« Reply #18220 on: March 12, 2012, 7:10:48 am »

Let me guess.  Is her full name Helpless Hyperbole? 

She's gonna be a great lawyer.  Yep.
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marigolds
looks far too young to be a
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 11,582

i had fun once and it was awful


« Reply #18221 on: March 12, 2012, 7:11:39 am »

OT: I'm glad you're back, ella! I missed you!
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They are our servants.  They are like dogs.  Sometimes, they think they remember being wolves, but they are only dreaming.
ellaminnowphd
Curiously Strong
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 3,810


« Reply #18222 on: March 12, 2012, 7:15:53 am »

Hi Marigolds!  Thank you :)

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dr_alcott
Distinguished Senior Member
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Posts: 11,970


« Reply #18223 on: March 12, 2012, 12:46:51 pm »

Personally? I'd give her rope. You come off smelling like roses because you're obviously willing to work with students, even if she falls on her face.

And on preview: What gennimom said is also a very good point.

Yes to both of these, unless it's trouble for you since the end of the term is near.  I have cut people off with a "that's a hard deadline, just turn in what you have since you've been working on it, and I'll take your last-minute emergency into account" and, strangely for all that hard work all term by such a diligent student (64%?  wow!), I received nothing.

I'd give her rope too. It costs you nothing.
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You must be your own snow, Dr_Alcott.  You must lift, and sparkle, and then melt away.

I love everyone here!
professor_pat
Distinguished Senior Member
*****
Posts: 3,153


« Reply #18224 on: March 12, 2012, 1:32:09 pm »

Wait, I'm confused (but not SAD) [interthreaduaity]. The paper was initially due last Thursday (she says in her third-to-last sentence), but she got sick over the weekend AFTER the paper was due? Had you given them all an extension to this Tuesday, and she's asking for an extension to the extension?

I'd probably verify the excuse, then give her the "slight" extension she's requesting, perhaps 24 hours. Then I'd go through the resulting paper with a fine-toothed comb for plagiarism. If she's doing that poorly in the class, I doubt the extension would make much difference anyway, and you'd get mercy credits.
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To me, forums are more of a relaxing period in which the poster can allow himself or himself to be lost in a sea of wonder.
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