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News: Talk about how to cope with chronic illness, disability, and other health issues in the academic workplace.
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Author Topic: The funniest CVs and job interviews in the industry! (TT applicants are smarter)  (Read 3436 times)
New member
Posts: 16

« on: April 16, 2012, 11:26:13 am »

Funny interview:

This one is really funny: www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KeCE6aN_4U

Funny CVs:

Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse

“I’m interested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer.”

“I am about to enroll on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification
will prove detrimental to me for future success.”

Candidate included a letter from his mother.

Candidate wrote résumé as a play – Act 1, Act 2, Act3…..

Under “job related skills” – for a web designer – “can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”.

The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.

Experience: “Shipping, receiving and stalking”

The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.

“My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”

One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn’t like dealing with blood or needles.

Achievements: “Nominated for prom queen”

A resume… had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it

Hobbies: “Having a good time”

Candidate’s hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators.

Candidate explained an arrest by stating, “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”

Candidate included family medical history.

“A nine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page résumé”

“One applicant tried to make an impression by using four different fonts, three ink colors and a variety of highlighting options on her résumé”

“Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

“Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

“I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

 “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

Interests: “Gossiping.”

Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”

Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992.”

Objective: “So one of the main things for me is, as the movie ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it, ‘Show me the money!’”

Skills: “I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.”

Objective: “To hopefully associate with a millionaire one day.”

Skills: “I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”

Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”

Objective: “I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”

Qualifications: “Twin sister has accounting degree.”

Skills: “Written communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.”

Salary requirements: “The higher the better.”

References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”

Objective: “Student today. Vice president tomorrow.”

Achievements: “First runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982.”

Reason for leaving: “Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”

Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”

Experience: “Any interruption in employment is due to being unemployed.”

Hobbies: “Mushroom hunting.”

Experience: “Care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”

Objective: “My dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can’t do that, I’ll settle on
being an accountant.”

Awards: “National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.”

Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”

Work experience: “Maintained files and reports, did data processing, cashed employees’ paychecks.”

Educational background: “Highschool was a incredible experience.”

Personal: “My family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern
California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest son prefers Orlando (proximity to Disney World).”

Resume: “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”

References: “Please do not contact my immediate supervisor at the company. My colleagues will give me a better reference.”

Experience: “My father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.”

Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

A resume listed a skill as “being bi-lingual in three languages”

In the section that read “Emergency Contact Number” someone wrote “911.”
New member
Posts: 20

« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2012, 12:54:27 pm »

Good One.
Friendly Neighborhood Troll and
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 5,498

« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2012, 4:31:43 am »

I think a few of those are the fault of Microsoft. And what is wrong with "mushroom hunting"?
Pistol packin'
Distinguished Senior Member
Posts: 1,674

« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2012, 5:31:33 am »

“A nine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page résumé”

This is a problem? Dang.
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