The Ph.D. intimidating potential girlfriends?

(1/27) > >>

I am single and in my mid-30's. I just earned tenure and promotion to associate professor. Obviously, I also have a Ph.D.

I am increasingly finding out in the dating world (which I was absent from for a long time) that a good many women seem to give off a vibe of being intimidated by my educational background and profession; like they think that I will think them too stupid to be around me. It's hard to explain, it's just a vibe a read from a lot of women I date, and I think it often contributes to there not being a second date.

Of course, I have no litmus test for educational levels for any woman that I would date or marry. It would not bother me in the slightest if she was a high school graduate or community college or trade school graduate, but I sense that some females seem to think that I would mind very much.

Have others among you experienced this as well?

You haven't met enough women.  Or you're not meeting the right ones.  Keep trying.

You might want to get yourself a profile on OKCupid, where you can screen for education level and a whole bunch of other smarts/education/intellectual interest variables.  Then start meeting those women who just aren't intimidated by your PhD.  (Because, maybe they have one themselves, for example.)

There's a thread here for single people (Lonely Hearts Club).  You could read a few hundred posts about the travails of folks here who are trying to meet someone who isn't intimidated by them (or whatever).   Many good suggestions are offered.

Yes, once a woman I went on a date with told me "I despise PhDs". Apparently, those that she had worked with she claimed were lazy and unproductive or incompetent or something. All the women I seriously dated since I got my PhD were either a PhD student, had a PhD, or doing a professional graduate degree. My wife has a PhD. So, it's certainly been my experience. But obviously things work differently for other people...

I think this that for many (most?) of us, there is a fundamental question: to what degree do I need a partner who also has a life of the mind? Not that said partner needs to share one's very own preoccupations--but many of us find that we need someone who can conceive of a life that is centered around ideas. This could manifest in a variety of ways, including a love of books/reading, a love of long conversations, and so on. Still, it's very important to recognize that it's an issue that may come up if we become involved with someone who is completely incapable of understanding what we're up to when we retreat to work on our professional stuff.

I think you will find this relevant:


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page