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Author Topic: My ex husband has a girlfriend  (Read 10424 times)
sarahanne
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« on: December 21, 2006, 11:46:38 am »

My ex husband has a new girlfriend. My children met her this month, and they say she's really nice. A part of me feels jealous.

Yeah, jealous.

I know I shouldn't feel this way because my ex husband has nothing to offer me in a relationship. I've changed so much since the divorce. Oddly, I'm not even attracted him.

But still I feel a tinge of jealousy. Also a part of me feels angry that he gets to have a new girlfriend after all the crap the kids' and I have had to put up with because of him.
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case_insensitive
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« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2006, 11:52:24 am »

My ex husband has a new girlfriend. My children met her this month, and they say she's really nice. A part of me feels jealous.

Yeah, jealous.

I know I shouldn't feel this way because my ex husband has nothing to offer me in a relationship. I've changed so much since the divorce. Oddly, I'm not even attracted him.

But still I feel a tinge of jealousy. Also a part of me feels angry that he gets to have a new girlfriend after all the crap the kids' and I have had to put up with because of him.

Been there, sort of.

Ex got a new girlfriend, then a wife, then had children... which he would never do with me.

Not fun, but also not my business, so to speak.  Jealousy will just hurt you (and perhaps your children) but it will really not hurt your ex.

Try to think of it this way:  That poor girl... she has no idea what she's in for...
« Last Edit: December 21, 2006, 11:52:53 am by case_insensitive » Logged

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crazybatlady
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« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2006, 12:43:37 pm »

Well said, case.

That poor girl.

And remember: no matter what, you, SarahAnne, are an amazing woman and mother and don't have use for people who don't make your life a more exciting and wonderful and loving way to live.

cbl
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comp_queen
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« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2006, 12:47:58 pm »

For a good laugh, listen to Lee Ann Womack's "I'll think of a Reason Later."

And hang in there.  If I remember, you and I are in much the same situation after becoming stronger and better and trying to restart our dating lives--and you're already a great mom. 

CQ's in your corner!
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prof_mom
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« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2006, 12:52:31 pm »

SarahAnne,

Does it help to hear that what you are feeling is normal?

I am happily married, but still felt my ex boyfriend was betraying me when he got married. My girlfriend had to remind me that I got married first. I do not want to be with him, but it is strange to think of his life moving on without me.

I do not understand it. It makes no sense. I imagine this will be harder for you during the holidays. I hope you have lots of supportive people around you offline. We are here for you online.
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sarahanne
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« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2006, 2:30:08 pm »

Thanks ladies.

Yeah... I know my feelings are normal. I just thought I was way past the jealousy part. Or better yet, feeling anything for him.

C.I, you hit the nail right on the head. Whooo.That poor girl
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ms_collegiality
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« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2006, 3:02:01 pm »

Allow yourself to be complex!  (That's one of my mantras.)  When I left my last college, I fully expected them to leave my position vacant in deference to my memory.

I am secretly pleased that my last serious boyfriend before my husband never got married.

It all comes down to the idea that we are replaceable.  That there might be someone who could fill our shoes, approach our level of fabulousness, wake up in the morning looking as beautiful. (I think of Meryl Streep in that great movie with Roseanne Barr, She-Devil, looking gorgeous and being gloriously happy with Roseanne's husband.)

Get some for yourself!  Get your hair done, or a manicure, or whatever it is that makes you feel sexy; go do something fun and daring with girlfriends.  Whatever you do, don't start comparing yourself to this woman.  Think about your own happiness, and not as it is tied in with his.  It's an old habit to break, since at one point your happiness was linked.
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anthroid
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« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2006, 6:49:34 pm »

And...I'm the girlfriend of an ex-husband.  SO's ex-wife remarried 3 years ago and, while I've met the kids I haven't met ex-wife (this may happen next week...).  My perspective then is a bit different--though I just know sarahanne's ex-husband probably never washes his underwear, belittles the poor, and deliberately eats beans before a romantic evening, the "moving on" part is an important part to remember.  I'm part of SO moving on (after ex-wife moved on to new husband...)--they have been divorced six years.

From the perspective of the girlfriend, Sarahanne, understand that she may see things in exhusband you never did or forgot.  Whatever it is, she is irrelevant to you except as far as the kids are concerned.  I love what comp_queen said:  you get to be complex.  So does ex-husband and so does his girlfriend.

And what you're feeling is so completely normal!!!  I came close to being devastated when last Big Love of my life denied he was in love with me and married someone else within a year.  I did, however, get over it.  You will too!
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spork
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« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2006, 10:52:55 pm »

Just lie back and think of England and you'll be fine.
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winnie
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« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2006, 12:25:11 am »

I met an old ex from way way back who's not doing well with life or career.

Think SCHADENFREUDE.
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frazali
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« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2006, 11:16:00 am »

Why is it that you would think that receiving bad news about an ex would be sweet revenge - but it's just ends up being an update on an ex?
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prytania3
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« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2006, 2:49:08 pm »

What you probably are really jealous of is the fact that someone else is now sharing joint dreams with him. We can be well rid of the person and not feel anything for hum, but the dreams we shared die hard.
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jobhire
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« Reply #12 on: December 22, 2006, 4:59:42 pm »

I notice you obsess over relationships and potential relationships. Maybe this is "normal" or "average" behavior, but that doesn't make it healthy or positive.  The "normal" or "average" american is overweight or seriously obese.

What's definitely unhealthy is wanting someone else to be unhappy because you are.
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prof_mom
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« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2006, 5:03:17 pm »

jobhire,

Your post is mean and not helpful. The OP did not say she wanted anyone to be unhappy. She was expressing feelings of jealousy, which are very normal.

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prof_mom
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« Reply #14 on: December 22, 2006, 5:04:00 pm »

the dreams we shared die hard.

That is very true, Pry.
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