The Chronicle has conducted a thorough and extremely scientific test of the bottled water sold by colleges across the United States.
OK, not really. But because it’s the middle of summer and we’re thirsty, we did ask colleges to send us a bottle or two. And, sure enough, they did. We drank bottle after bottle of college-brand water until we nearly burst. Afterward, we wrote this meaningless report:
University of Puget Sound
Source: Tacoma, Wash.
Taste: “Kind of shallow.”
Label design: Beautiful 3-D photograph of nearby Mount Rainier.
Water-related fact: According to the label, the water “comes from the deep aquifers of the Cascade foothills which pass through nature’s most remarkable filtration system, miles of sand and gravel that filter the water to its purest state.” Sand and gravel. Yum.
Connecticut College
Source: Willington, Conn.
Taste: “Rich.”
Label design: The name and insignia of the college printed in blue on a white background.
Further comment on label design: At first, we thought this label was uninspired. However, a colleague, Sara Lipka, informs us that it is “retro.” We’ll take her word for it.
American University
Source: Ontario, Canada (!)
Taste: “Wet.”
Label design: Illustration of American University’s angry-looking eagle mascot.
A comment on the source: “We are a global university,” explains Todd Sedmak, a spokesman for American University.
Hope College
Source: Etna, Ohio
Taste: “Peppy.”
Label design: “GO ORANGE! GO BLUE! GO HOPE!” (on the side).
Impressive label claim: The Michigan college’s water is the “silver-award winner” in an international water-tasting competition. Only the best (or at least almost the best) for Hope students.
College of the Holy Cross
Source: Cokertown Springs, Red Hook, N.Y.
Taste: “Spirited.”
Label design: The top of a tree and a fancy column.
A note on Holy Cross water consumption: A spokesman says that the bottled water is a big hit among students and that “alumni also enjoy picking up a few bottles while they are on campus.” In short, water is a popular beverage. Who knew?
Roanoke College
Source: Grand Springs, Alton, Va.
Taste: “Sweet.”
Label design: The name of the college in white on a maroon background.
Embarrassing admission: Along with two bottles of water, Roanoke College sent us a small box of cookies in a blatant and shameless attempt to win our good will. It totally worked.
Rice University
Source: Doesn’t say.
Taste: “A little dry.”
Label design: Photograph of an average-looking campus building.
A note about the taste: For reasons that remain unclear, the four bottles sent by Rice were empty. We assume there’s a drought in Texas or something.
Alfred University
Source: Goffstown, N.H.
Taste: “Not water.”
Label design: Drawing of a man holding a box.
Explanation: Alfred University sent us a case of its very own soda, with names like Dean Brody’s Birch Beer and Presidential Punch. We chose to sample Orientation Guide Grape because we loved the name. It was pretty good. Then we looked at the label: 200 calories! We considered running around the block to make ourselves feel better, but ended up having a few more of those cookies that Roanoke College sent. (Thanks again, guys.)
http://chronicle.com Section: Short Subjects Volume 50, Issue 45, Page A6
