‘I’m Doing It For Myself': a Student’s Struggle to Turn His Life Around

Every summer College Bound Dorchester holds a matriculation ceremony to celebrate the accomplishments of young people who have overcome significant obstacles and are now ready to start college. At the most recent event, in August, Giovanne Morris received a standing ovation for the following speech, in which he described his journey from prison to Bunker Hill Community College.

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Courtesy of Romana Vysatova Photography

That last month before you leave prison, you start to doubt yourself. You start to lose confidence because you realize you are actually going to be home in a few weeks. Your mind is racing. I started to wonder what I wanted to do and who was going to be there for me. Everyone who leaves prison feels that way, even though most won’t say it.

When you get out, you are very dependent on other people. You need a strong support system, whether it is one person or a hundred people.

Myself, I’m like a roller coaster. My father was in jail most of my life, from when I was 5 until I was 14. My mother went to jail when I was 11. She lost custody of me and my little brother. She did a year without me, she got out, and she didn’t push to get me and my little brother back. That kind of made me feel like I wasn’t wanted, you know.

I found the acceptance and support I wasn’t getting from my parents in my neighborhood.

I was a young kid who looked up to the older kids. They had all the new clothes, all the new sneakers, new bikes. I wanted stuff like that. They said, Man, you got to hustle, so I started hustling.

My first arrest happened when I was caught stealing a bike out of Toys “R” Us at 11. I felt like the head honcho after that. So I progressed. I went from stealing to doing more extreme things.

I have been in and out of jail for a few years of my life. I spent my 18th birthday in solitary confinement for fighting. I didn’t get any mail. My recreation time was at 7:30 in the morning, so I couldn’t call anyone. I couldn’t make myself a cake. I didn’t cry or anything; it just made me realize how tough my life will be if I keep putting myself in situations like that.

There have been points in my life when I wanted to turn my life around. I graduated from Community Academy and was going to college. Then I got pulled back to the streets, where I was told I could make real money, and I soon ended up in jail again.

This time around, when I was in jail, I wasn’t fighting as much, so I got to meet Ismail Abdurrashid from College Bound Dorchester’s Bridge to College Program at the South Bay House of Correction. The program gets inmates ready to go to college when they are out of prison. And I got to be in Ish’s class. He wasn’t just teaching us math, but he was teaching us life lessons, you know. He told us, You can still do it, man. Don’t let this jail stuff fool you. You can still make it. I listen to people like that. Because he genuinely cares, you know.

After I got out of prison, in November, Ish connected me with the College Bound family. He brought me home.

I had my doubts in the beginning. I’m so used to disappointing people, that’s what’s in my mind, that I’m going to mess something up. I’m a stubborn person. That’s just me. I don’t trust people right away. You have to prove yourself to me before I believe what you are saying.

My college-readiness adviser, Lu from College Bound, is one of those genuine people I really listen to. Even though I have only known him for a few months, we’re close because we connect. If I can’t make it down here, he or someone else from College Bound will text me or grab me. I like that too.

People at College Bound told me over and over again that I need to go to school. If I do, then probation and police won’t bother me. And that is true. If police ask me what I’m doing and I say I’m in school, they leave me alone. Having something to do each day makes me feel good. If I have too much free time, I can think of a million things to do, and some may not be positive.

I have a 3-year-old daughter, Giannys, and a boy coming this October. I missed 18 months, more than half of my daughter’s life, while I was in prison. Now that my daughter is getting older, she can see what’s going on. She’s my little bodyguard, my little everything. I’m trying to do the right thing, letting her see her daddy stands for something positive.

Every child wants a father they can brag about, and I want to be that father. I’m enrolled in Bunker Hill Community College. When I graduate from college, I’ll be here every day bugging Mark for a job.

A lot of my friends want to get into College Bound Dorchester. I don’t always think they are ready. I want them to really want it, really feel that hunger. I want them to be starving for this, you know — when they say, I’m going to stop asking and visit College Bound Dorchester myself and see what they have to offer — that’s when I know someone is serious.

It’s not that I’m becoming a new person. I’m just doing different things. I’m trying to get that positive jacket, I’m trying to throw that on for a change. I’m doing this for my family and people who said I couldn’t do it. People who still don’t believe I can do it. Most importantly, I’m doing it for myself.