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Professors Are Talking About Students’ Dead Grandparents Again

By  Emma Kerr
May 7, 2018

It’s a phenomenon as old as the college classroom: the ready-made student excuse of the grandparent’s death. There can’t possibly be this many dead grandparents, vent some instructors.

Viorica Marian, a professor of communications at Northwestern University, on Saturday offered the latest entry in the genre on Twitter:

I once taught an 8 am college class. So many grandparents died that semester. I then moved my class to 3 pm. No more deaths. And that, my friends, is how I save lives.

— Viorica Marian (@VioricaMarian1) May 5, 2018

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It’s a phenomenon as old as the college classroom: the ready-made student excuse of the grandparent’s death. There can’t possibly be this many dead grandparents, vent some instructors.

Viorica Marian, a professor of communications at Northwestern University, on Saturday offered the latest entry in the genre on Twitter:

I once taught an 8 am college class. So many grandparents died that semester. I then moved my class to 3 pm. No more deaths. And that, my friends, is how I save lives.

— Viorica Marian (@VioricaMarian1) May 5, 2018

Some professors commiserated. One said she’d been forced to ask students for proof of death because the number of dead grandparents grew so high. Another said she’d “had a student kill over 7 grandparents” by the time he graduated.

Had a student kill over 7 grandparents over the years. We kept count. Time of class did not matter. Got awkward at graduation when we met the family, with all 4 grands

— Claudia Espinosa PhD (@WaterandScience) May 7, 2018

But other professors were quick to denounce the tweet, and the trend of student shaming that they say it stands in for, as mean-spirited and missing the larger point. Jesse Stommel, executive director of teaching and learning technology at the University of Mary Washington, posted on Twitter that this kind of treatment causes more students to lie because “teachers turn the complexity of their lives into a punchline.”

Students with dead grandparents is not a funny joke. Stop making it. Stop laughing at it. Stop punching Down.

Students feel they have to lie to teachers, because teachers turn the complexity of their lives into a punchline. To encourage honesty, approach students with empathy.

— Jesse Stommel (@Jessifer) May 6, 2018

Others pointed out that the ages of 18 to 22 often coincide with when grandparents reach their 80s and 90s, making the excuse not unlikely on a large scale.

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This. What I have NEVER understood about the “dead grandparent” jokes is that 18-22 is exactly when grandparents start to die (for the lucky ones, at least. Mine were dying much earlier). And some people, like myself, have more than 4 grandparents. https://t.co/AKGsnjxBhS

— cfryar (@jamaicandale) May 6, 2018

Pushing back on turning a student’s need for an excuse into a joke, professors suggested that their colleagues show a little empathy for students and give them the trust professors want from students.

Students protested the professors’ getting a laugh out of their experiences, too, whether it be from the true death of a grandparent or whatever issue a student may not be comfortable sharing that caused an absence. When professors assume everyone is lying about having a grandparent die, it can break trust and cause emotional turmoil. Students chimed in with their own experiences of being perceived as lazy or a liar when their grandparents died, or in response to strict attendance policies while facing chronic illnesses.

I had a professor who needed to know every detail so I told her my grandpa passed away. When I came back to class, she announced it to all the students (welcome back, RIP to your grandpa) because she thought I lied but I instead bursted out crying because it was VERY real.

— clarissa (@champalo) May 7, 2018

Professors find themselves in a tricky position as a result: Interrogating their students about the death of a grandparent is crass, but allowing a student to subvert the attendance policy is unfair.

Some professors shared the policies they use to avoid getting the “dead grandparents” excuse. Giving a no-questions-asked absence for students when “life happens” takes away the need for any explanation or lying. Others said that when students feel they are being overly policed, they might come to class sick or damage their own well-being by attending when they shouldn’t. A policy that shows respect for students as adults, they said, is the answer.

Look, students do lose grandparents and I can’t imagine penalizing anyone in the midst of that. Worried about lying? Give *everyone* one no-questions-asked “life happens” excuse. I did that even when I taught 4/4 off the tenure track. A bit extra work worth the exta compassion.

— zeynep tufekci (@zeynep) May 6, 2018

Also, even a flexible, humane excuse policy penalizes students who don’t feel comfortable sharing private information with you. It’s none of your business that they were assaulted, or evicted, or had a pregnancy scare. Don’t force them to tell you.

— Angus Johnston (@studentactivism) May 6, 2018

1|12 Ah, professors, students and their #deadgrandparents. I’m guilty of chuckling and even retweeting some of these in weak moments of flippancy. I hate being lied to, especially when it’s unnecessary. Here’s how I *actually* approach student absences, tho:

— Tim O’Connell (@Seiurus) May 6, 2018

Another professor noted that a strict attitude toward absences may not consider the increasingly nonwhite, first-generation, or low-income status of students in college classrooms. Many are carrying more responsibilities than the more privileged classes of years before, a fact professors may not be thinking about.

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Same. My students (mostly 1st gen, mostly not white) have SO much more going on in their lives than I did (heavy work loads, illness, family, military service, jobs, often all of the above) that I’ve realized the extreme privilege inherent in the convo about “dead grandparents.”

— S Davis-Secord (@sdavissecord) May 6, 2018

We welcome your thoughts and questions about this article. Please email the editors or submit a letter for publication.
Teaching & Learning
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