Samuel Williams, 30, just transferred to George Mason University from Landmark College, an institution for students with learning disabilities. Here’s his story, as told to The Chronicle’s Sara Lipka.
In my experience, when you say, “I have autism spectrum disorder,” first of all, it’s a weird thing to say. It’s not like saying, “I have cancer.” We don’t currently have imaging to see where my brain is different from your brain. So when I say I have been diagnosed with this, mixed with a mood disorder, people either become almost obsequious, overly solicitous, or they become dismissive, like they don’t care, and I should be able to get over it. It’s usually one extreme or the other. There’s no “Well, you’re still a human being. We’re going to take this in stride and try to realize that you have some difficulties, but not treat you in a paternalistic or dismissive fashion.” That’s why I typically don’t like talking about it unless I actually have to advocate for myself.
I think everyone comes out of elementary school and middle school with a few scars. I generally felt somewhere between a nonentity and an outcast. Academically, I would do really well when I was able to channel my energies into studying and doing my homework. But I didn’t finish high school. I left. Mostly I was just at home being depressed or idle. Those were pretty turbulent times, actually. I was off my medication, and I lived with my father, who for a long time didn’t really know what to do about my “issues” or whatever you want to call them. But I got my GED on the first try. I would have graduated the same year.
This special report examines the challenges that students, academics, and colleges face in dealing with physical disabilities as well as conditions that are less visible.
I was working like 30 hours a week at the Swiss Bakery in Burke, Virginia. And then I went to Oregon and worked as an apprentice auto mechanic, landscaper, and just a couple of odd-job kind of things for about a year. I always figured I would go to college at some point. But I wasn’t sure if I would be able to, for whatever reason, like not finishing high school. Money was another issue. And then there’s my disability, which also seemed like a huge barrier. I hate having all of these little intricate things that I have to do, all of these little steppingstones to get to something. Filling out all the applications, getting all of that information together, studying for the SAT, taking the SAT, getting my financial aid. It just seemed so overwhelming and monumental.
But I enrolled at Northern Virginia Community College. My first class was in 2008, spring semester, precalculus. I went for two weeks, and then I never went again. A big part of it was that I was really afraid of failing that class, and so I kind of set myself up to fail. I really regret that. Then I took a bunch of art classes and some fitness classes and just kind of softball classes, really. I gradually worked my way up to gen-ed classes. I eventually passed precalculus with a C. I met a bunch of great professors, like my “History of Western Civ” professor, Sue Jean Cho. I would go see her outside of class, and we would have these long discussions. It’s really good to have even something of a relationship like that with a professor. More often than not my positive experiences have been because of professors.
I found out about Landmark College, and I investigated them several times over the years. They didn’t really have what I wanted until computer science was instituted as a major. Long story short, I applied last year, I got about $50,000 in financial aid, I went, and it was fantastic. I got all A’s and B’s except for one withdrawal. I was probably involved in a dozen or so extracurricular activities. I love giving the list. I was on the soccer team, student government, I did the school play, I competed in the poetry slam. I organized a men’s discussion to kind of foster an atmosphere of maturity and understanding and self-awareness. It’s better for me to have some kind of activity to focus my time being social. That way I don’t have to keep thinking of things to say.
I was enrolled in “Perspectives in Learning,” a Landmark-only class that is centered around teaching you about your learning disability, strategies for success in college, and advocating for yourself. We went over Carol Dweck’s “growth mind-set,” which I think might have been the most important thing I took away from that class. That, to me, was validation of the most pure and ultimate kind. The idea that I can be good at anything if I just put in the work and the practice, and if I am given my credit based on the effort that I put in and what I actually accomplish versus some ridiculous talent or whatever. We can’t take credit for our talents, and I hate it when people try to do that, or try to commend someone based on their talent. You should commend them based on their skill. That’s what they actually worked for.
Something else I realized is that I have to think backwards. You know, there’s a process. So if I have an assignment that’s due in two weeks, I have to actually start on it when it’s first assigned, I have to do a little bit on it each day, I have to budget my time. I have been thinking of this a lot.
Another thing that Landmark taught me, as far as getting the information and help you need, is you have to be fearless. You can’t worry, Oh, I’m going to sound stupid, or, People are going to laugh at me.
I pretty much always planned to transfer. Longstanding traditional institutions don’t offer as many or as comprehensive a spectrum of resources as Landmark, so you have to figure out, Well, what do I feel like I need? I filed as a student with disabilities here at GMU. I had a list of accommodations that I was requesting. Now, I may not get all of those. I probably won’t get the open-note, open-book test accommodation, which is potentially fine. I think a lot of professors are against that kind of thing, because it seems like such an antithesis to their experience. But the Office of Disability Services will give me whatever accommodations they agree on, and I will hand some kind of slip of paper to my professors, and they then have to abide by that.
My major is computer engineering. The way I picked it was I cross-referenced my interests with bachelor’s programs and what degrees are in demand in the United States right now. I want to study machine learning, cybersecurity, maybe game development.
The thing I’m most looking forward to is completing my degree program — finally. I’m nervous about the social atmosphere here, making friends, being around people, not being awkward. But I’m more nervous about my coursework. I really want straight A’s. That is the most important thing, and I have to remind myself of that almost nonstop, otherwise I will get off track.
I feel like a lot of professors think, “We’re all adults in college, and you’re here to become more of an adult, and I shouldn’t have to hold your hand” or whatever. And I don’t think it’s about holding hands. Students are perhaps learning a different magnitude of material or a different kind of material, but I feel like no professor can go even a whole semester without learning something.
Everyone’s learning here.
