I frequently tackle the wordiness in my students’ writing by imitating my eighth-grade English teacher, Dr. Earley. Like him, I lead students through the exercise of a précis. We spend about 15 minutes at the end of the final five seminar meetings composing, revising and polishing a single paragraph on the meaning of Honoré de Balzac’s short story, “The Unknown Masterpiece”—a brilliant and famous tale about an artist who goes mad trying to paint the perfect picture. Our goal is to achieve the clearest and most concise paragraph possible.
The first day, the class takes about half an hour to jointly compose a first draft of the paragraph. In subsequent sessions, students bring to class suggestions for improving the paragraph, and we then spend about 15 minutes working on it. If the class agrees a sentence, phrase, or word can go without losing any absolutely essential part of the meaning, we get rid of it. We squeeze the paragraph hard, forcing out the dross.
Here are three stages of development of the paragraph from one of my courses—the original draft, one of the middle versions, and the final little jewel.
First draft (223 words)
Honoré de Balzac’s short story “The Unknown Masterpiece,” was published in 1837. The story is about an artist, Frenhofer—a genius who longs to make a painting that rivals nature in its roundness. The artist struggles to try to finish a picture of the perfect woman, which he has been painting for the past 10 years. Unfortunately, he has been painting the same picture, on the same canvas, and then destroying it. Every time he thinks he has completed his picture, he doubts himself and begins again. Two other artists, Porbus and Poussin, are good artists, but not great ones. They have been following Frenhofer’s work and desperately want to see his picture, in order to improve their own paintings, but he keeps it hidden. Finally he decides he has finished his painting and that it rivals nature in its perfection. He therefore invites the two other artists to look at his masterpiece. Looking at it, they see only a mass of tangled colors, with one tiny foot leftover in the corner of the painting. Frenhofer’s drive for perfection had led him to delude himself that he had painted a beautiful woman. Seeing the reaction of his artist friends, he realizes that he has worked his whole life in vain, and therefore destroys all his paintings. He is found dead the next day.
Middle Version (152 words)
In Honoré de Balzac’s short story “The Unknown Masterpiece” (1837), the genius painter Frenhofer struggles with the problem of artistic doubt. Striving for the previous 10 years to paint a picture of the perfect woman, the genius Frenhofer has ended up painting the same picture, on the same canvas, and then destroying it. Every time he thinks he has completed his picture, he doubts himself. Finally, he is certain his painting rivals nature in its perfection and he invites two artist friends into his studio to see his masterpiece. Instead of seeing a painting of a beautiful woman, however, they see only a mass of tangled colors with one tiny foot leftover from all the previous versions of the painting. Frenhofer’s drive for perfection had led him to destroy his picture. Realizing he had worked his whole life in vain, he destroyed all his paintings and was found dead the next day.
The Little Polished Jewel (127 words)
In Honoré de Balzac’s short story, “The Unknown Masterpice” (1837), the genius Frenhofer struggles with the problem of artistic doubt. Striving to paint the perfect picture of a beautiful woman for the previous 10 years, Frenhofer has been working on the same canvas, endlessly painting and then destroying his picture. Each time he thinks he is finished, he doubts himself. Finally, he becomes certain he’s finished—that he has made a painting that rivals nature’s roundness. Frenhofer invites two other artists to look at his masterpiece. Instead of seeing a picture of a beautiful woman, however, they see only a mass of tangled colors. Realizing his entire life’s work has been in vain, Frenhofer destroys all his paintings. The next day he is found dead.
