The Top 10 Worst Inventions

I’m about to toss the last of my New Year’s lists into the trash.* Here it is—a list of the Top 10 Worst Inventions.

1. Plastic bags. They wreak environmental havoc and people can turn to reusable bags or cellulose bags. As of January 1^st, they’re banned in Italy. (Italians were consuming 20 billion of them a year; imagine what we consume here.)
2. Spandex. It’s OK for Olympic swimmers, or for making wet suits, or bra straps and underpants, but it makes most people who wear clothes made out of it look absolutely horrible.
3. Doritos. They’re deadly, but taste utterly fantastic and are addictive.
4. TIVo. TIVo does nothing but feed the desire for instant gratification.
5. Digital clocks and watches. They’re destroying the sense of quotidian rhythm by ruining people’s ability to sense time spatially.
6. Acrylic paint for artists. Any non-talent can use it, but unlike oil paint, acrylic lacks the ability to convey either color depth or sensuousness.
7. Education consulting firms. They give the illusion that they can look in from the outside and solve problems in education.
8. Leaf Blowers. They’re noisy and all they do is blow around leaves. Leave the leaves be. Or rake ‘em, already.
9. Plastic Packing Peanuts. They stick to everything and you can’t get them off your clothes.
10. Blogs. There are a gazillion of them. They’re killing essay writing and turning human thought into quick hits. Besides, any hack can blog or comment on a blog.

*Unfortunately, this list, which I initially scribbled on a piece of paper, must go into my bag of recycled paper—a bag New York City law requires I use. It’s made out of non-recyclable clear, blue plastic.